Anger

Why. Why can't I lose any more weight.

I was at 100.8 lbs yesterday. I was so excited to wake up today and weigh myself. I was finally looking forward to being under 100 lbs for the first time in months. But yet, why am I still the same exact weight as yesterday!?

I haven't changed today at all. I'm still at 100.8 lbs. This is torture. I'm so angry. I should be under 100 lbs today. I should be lower than this. So why am I somehow the exact same weight!?

Why. Is. My. Life. So. Horrid.

I'm wearing my favorite skirt for the first time in a while. The last time I wore it, I felt so fat in it. I was trying to feel confident in this skirt but I'm still too fat. 24" on my waist? Please. That's disgusting. But at least I don't look that fat anymore. Remember when I had a 28" waist? Yeah. That was disgusting.

At least 100.8 lbs is better than 110.6 lbs.

And the worst part of today? I'm taking my sister out for sister and sister day after her summer program at the uni here. We're getting ice cream for sure and I'm fairly sure I have to eat a lunch with her also. Fuck my life. I'm going to gain weight tonight.

Unless I take laxatives. Yeah. I'll do that.

Almost there... but still far.

It's been a while.

I haven't posted because I was in 'recovery' for a short while. But it all crashed down. To shortly explain, I gained up to 110.6 lbs and decided that was enough. I stopped taking my weight gaining meds and I have been eating less and less.

Today was the first time I ate more than 400 calories in 10 days. I feel horrid. But I'm at 101.6 lbs today after 10 days. That's 9 lbs that I have lost. I feel so proud of myself for this. However I feel terrified that I ate so much today. I'm so scared.

Calorie count today is: 140 + 120+ 160 = 420

I feel so fat. I know I'm not going to lose weight tomorrow when I wake up. I'm betting I gained an extra pound or two back. I'm so scared. I don't want to be fat tomorrow.

I'm going to Las Vegas next week and I need to be under 100 lbs by then. I don't want to be seen by people I don't know and be thought of as the fat girl.

I'm scared.

I think I'll go buy a few things of blueberries tomorrow, just so if I get hungry again I'll just eat blueberries and feel satisfied.

So how has everyone else been? Please let me know! I'll post thinspo again some time.

Fitspo

So I decided to post some fitspo after I went to the gym. I did a few weights and I ran 1.75 miles, nearly 2 miles this time! Time to get the fat off of me by the end of summer.

Here are some motivational posts and fitspo.

I do not own any of these images and if you are the owner of an image and wish it to be taken down, please let me know via e-mail.

Trying to achieve a flat stomach by the end of summer.

Perfect stomach!

Summer body, here I come!

She's so petite!

 

Need to do this!

Sorry for my absence

Hello,

Well, I have been gone for a while. Sorry. I ended up being (forcibly) placed in a hospital for my ED. I was on calorie count the entire time there, and I had to drink Ensure at every meal.

I gained weight because of that obviously.

However, I have learned absolutely nothing while I was there. They mostly just tried to force feed me the entire time and tell me that being mia is "bad" for you but teach nothing else beyond that. All they wanted was to fatten me up like a pig.

So I did gain weight. I'm too ashamed to say what it is right now. But I have already lost 4 lbs in the past several days. Once I get to 100 I'll let you all know.

Also going to post some thinspo tonight. I haven't seen thinspo in weeks!

P.S. I also joined the gym, the 24 hour gym that I mentioned in my last post. So happy, I've been there the past several days.

Failure

I failed at the ABC diet. Guess this shows I'm a failure.

I don't care though. I will get to under 100 my own way. Today I ate 1 greek yogurt (120 kcals), 1 clementine (35 kcals). I just need to eat 300-500 calories per day and I can do this then. People can eat three meals a day and still lose weight, so that means I can lose weight this way also. They upped my medication so I'm freaking out about gaining more weight than I already am right now.

I need to get diet pills to counteract the weight gaining pills. Any recommendations? Also joining a gym nearby where I live soon. It's a 24 hour gym so I can exercise whenever. No more excuses soon.

I'll post thinspo later.

ABC Diet Day 5

Sorry I did not post yesterday. Yesterday I was 101.8. Why? Bloating. I'm holding in all the water that I have been drinking. [Expletive].

Today I'm 102 lbs. Shit. I need to stop drinking water, literally all of it is water. It's horrible being female. This diet isn't going to properly work until after this week. This is awful.

Today I can only eat 100 calories. I have to run today and go to work after. I'm very nervous on how I am going to do this. I have a feeling there is going to be a lot of gum chewing today.

I'll update this post later with how it goes.

ABC Diet Day 3: 1 Banana

101.6 with water weight

I forgot to measure myself this morning so I just took my measurement. I drank an entire vitamin water today so I definitely know that part of my weight is from the water I drank. So excited for my weight tomorrow.

So with 101.6, I'm -.6 lbs down from yesterday, -1.6 lbs from Day 1, and -2.8 lbs down from the day prior to starting the diet. I'm on a roll here, nearly 3 lbs down now!

Today I have decided to only eat a banana, no waffles. I cut my banana into 16 pieces. I've only ate 3 pieces so far. I might eat some unbuttered popcorn later if my family is wondering if I already ate or not. But if I don't that means my calorie count is only at 105 kcals out of the 300 max.

I see my first goal in the horizon.

Pinterest Thinspo

So Pinterest is cracking down on thinspo and pro ana posts so I decided to put some pins up (25 of them if you really wanted to know).

Also, I had to eat dinner today but I took 2 laxative pills so I should be fine by tomorrow.

I do not own any of these images and if you are the owner of an image and wish it to be taken down, please let me know via e-mail.

Hip bones and her stomach is so flat!

10 lbs does make a difference. This picture is of the same girl after losing just 10 lbs. If I'm this fat now, I know I'll be thinner 10 lbs lighter.

Her stomach is amazing

Going to do this every day starting soon before summer!

How the [expletive] are her breasts so huge to her stomach proportions? I'm so jealous.

Waist and legs, her figure is amazing

I like her belly piercing!

Her waist and stomach look great!

Beach body right here

I know I will never have legs that thin in my life. I am so jealous.

Fitspo!

Nice arms and waist

Stomach and hipbones

I remember back when my back used to look like this and my doctors were horrified when they felt my back during check ups. It was fun looking at their terrified faces.

Another beach body

She's so petite 

Gap between her legs

Waist and stomach are absolutely flawless

Toned stomach

Abs girl, she's got them!

Lot's of waist photos tonight.

There is just nothing wrong with this photo. I have no idea how.

Her entire body frame is petite. I am so jealous.

Someday I will look this good in my own underwear

ABC Diet Day 2

102.2 lbs, 23.5"

I think deciding to go on this diet was the best choice I have made in a while. I am down -1.0 lbs from yesterday, -2.2 lbs from two days ago prior to starting. If I keep this up, I'll hit 100 in two days. I also know a lot of my current weight is water weight (yesterday at Longhorn's I drank 3 glasses of water, I drank an entire Vitamin Zero water, and half of a zero calorie sparkling water).

Today I was supposed to be eating 2 bananas and 1 avocado but I changed it to 2 avocados for a total of 500 calories. I mixed some ground cayenne into my avocados.

I hope to get back under 100 as soon as possible. It was ridiculous of me to be at 104.4 lbs. That is my current new HW, beating my HW from 3 years ago from the hospitals at 103.5 lbs.

I am currently editing my goal page so if you see some changes, you will see them soon. I have decided to instead of starting my goals at 90, shift them to 100 and begin from there. I also added new prizes for myself because of that.

This is making me excited, I wish I could show my excitement with all of you. I have never had to drop 10 lbs like this before so it's interesting seeing my fat self and then going back down to my regular self. I can't wait to go back to my regular self though, my new fat skin feels like it's crawling on me every day.

Also bought a new cute skirt yesterday. I need to lose 5-10 lbs to wear it like a normal person though. High waisted skirt? Can't be fat in one.

Fashion Model Thinspo Version 2

Day was successful. Managed to stay within the 500 calorie limits and still took a laxative a few minutes ago. I will be thinner tomorrow no doubt about it.

Here is version 2 of some model thinspo that I found online. Enjoy.

I do not own any of these images and if you are the owner of an image and wish it to be taken down, please let me know via e-mail.