26 July 2013


Why. Why can't I lose any more weight.

I was at 100.8 lbs yesterday. I was so excited to wake up today and weigh myself. I was finally looking forward to being under 100 lbs for the first time in months. But yet, why am I still the same exact weight as yesterday!?

I haven't changed today at all. I'm still at 100.8 lbs. This is torture. I'm so angry. I should be under 100 lbs today. I should be lower than this. So why am I somehow the exact same weight!?

Why. Is. My. Life. So. Horrid.

I'm wearing my favorite skirt for the first time in a while. The last time I wore it, I felt so fat in it. I was trying to feel confident in this skirt but I'm still too fat. 24" on my waist? Please. That's disgusting. But at least I don't look that fat anymore. Remember when I had a 28" waist? Yeah. That was disgusting.

At least 100.8 lbs is better than 110.6 lbs.

And the worst part of today? I'm taking my sister out for sister and sister day after her summer program at the uni here. We're getting ice cream for sure and I'm fairly sure I have to eat a lunch with her also. Fuck my life. I'm going to gain weight tonight.

Unless I take laxatives. Yeah. I'll do that.

24 July 2013

Almost there... but still far.

It's been a while.

I haven't posted because I was in 'recovery' for a short while. But it all crashed down. To shortly explain, I gained up to 110.6 lbs and decided that was enough. I stopped taking my weight gaining meds and I have been eating less and less.

Today was the first time I ate more than 400 calories in 10 days. I feel horrid. But I'm at 101.6 lbs today after 10 days. That's 9 lbs that I have lost. I feel so proud of myself for this. However I feel terrified that I ate so much today. I'm so scared.

Calorie count today is: 140 + 120+ 160 = 420

I feel so fat. I know I'm not going to lose weight tomorrow when I wake up. I'm betting I gained an extra pound or two back. I'm so scared. I don't want to be fat tomorrow.

I'm going to Las Vegas next week and I need to be under 100 lbs by then. I don't want to be seen by people I don't know and be thought of as the fat girl.

I'm scared.

I think I'll go buy a few things of blueberries tomorrow, just so if I get hungry again I'll just eat blueberries and feel satisfied.

So how has everyone else been? Please let me know! I'll post thinspo again some time.