27 February 2013

Fuck my life

I haven't posted in 6 days.

98.2 lbs and 22"

How I'm at 22" with 98.2 lbs? Hopefully it's fucking muscle weight. Yeah, I'm not in a good mood, can you tell already?

One of my dance teachers, the one who taught me to dance tap (still my favorite out of all of them), jazz, and ballet, died Friday (thus why I haven't posted since Thursday). So yeah, not in a good mood at all. On top of that a major headache and nausea.

Weight training, I'm doing a lot of free weights (thus why I'm hoping it's [expletive] muscle weight) and I'm doing an average of 60 step ups as one rep, x4 reps. Doing other various things also but that's what I'm doing mostly. Aiming to work on my disgusting arms before spring comes and we shed our layers off.

Fucking disgusting shit.

I feel like shit. I look like shit. My face looks rounder than ever today.

When can I go die in peace? Oh. 70 lbs. That's when.

21 February 2013

Korean Food

94.4 lbs, 22.5"

Pretty impressive since I binged last night. I was at 97.7 lbs when I slept (another reason I slept so early, too depressed). That's a -3.3 lbs change from last night.

I ate an entire bag of chocolate covered puffs (Korean snacks), Milkis (Korean carbonated milk drink), Chocopie (.... you can guess, Korean), and at least a pound of rice and curry. Oh yeah, and to keep it 'healthy', two clementines. I don't know why I binged out like I did, it's just, I lost control once I saw all the new food.

So, I'm pretty happy that I lost -3.3 lbs! I credit it to all the exercising I did without drinking anything at all. Was awfully tired and dizzy though during and after, but it was worth it as I see now.

250 step ups (I'm going to add weights starting next week), and other arm exercises. With the dumbbells I'm doing 7.5 lbs each since my back and upper body isn't doing so well.

Also, every time I saw stairs today I ran up them. It was really fun today.

I should figure out a regular exercise plan when not at weight training until it gets warm outside. I'm dying to run right now.

20 February 2013

Tumblr Thinspo

Too tired to write notes under photos today, sleeping. Goodnight.

Enjoy some more additional thinspo today and good luck!

To be Thin.... then not to Be.

So, as I knew it would happen, I most definitely gained some weight last night.

Back to 96 lbs and 22.5"...... even after exercise. That's a +.2 lbs increase from two days ago and +1.4 lbs increase from yesterday prior to eating.

At least I know half of the contents of my stomach is water. She had these huge water cups and I kept drinking water the entire time. And perfect excuse, I had been fasting the entire day so I was extremely thirsty!

But I still ate a shit amount of cheese samosas. They were delicious too, all crispy and dripping with olive oil and the cheese was seasoned with lots of herbs and spices. So scrumptious. Ate two medium bowls of rice, this one noodle soup with lentils, chick peas, etc. OH and home made pizza, you can't beat that.

Thank goodness for water. I just kept drinking water. I had planned to throw up at a nearby restaurant or cafe near her home... except I hadn't realized there weren't any. Plus it was frigid cold and I had to get off of a bus stop and run to the main road where all the buses came (major bus stop). No restaurants nearby there either. By the time I got home, it had already been almost 3 hours since I had ate. Definitely not solid chunks at that point so I didn't purge it.

Also didn't purge it since I have work today and I'm sticking to the fasting thing. I'll start drinking water once the sun sets and water only.

Love the fasting thing, hate how you have to break the fast.

Anyways, I'll re-update after work tonight with my weight after fasting all day.

Oh, before I forget, best part about yesterday! This young girl that my friend was baby sitting (they live in the University's housing area for researchers/PH. D. students, etc), she told me, "You're so thin!" My friend scolded her though for saying that, but it still felt good to hear.

At least until I began eating. [Expletive].

19 February 2013

Additional Thinspo

I'm depressed. I was at 94.6 lbs today before breaking my fast with my friend.

Here's some thinspo while I go cry myself to sleep. Running for an hour before classes tomorrow.
Heard these words... until breaking the fast. My friend watched me eat. I think she's figured some things out.
Slimness :/

Exactly how I feel right now.
Need those arms asap 
So small and fragile like a doll

18 February 2013

Fashion/Model Thinspo

They're all gorgeous ladies, so tall, slim, and slender! Enjoy <3

Holy mother of _______, is she perfect?!

It's almost spring! Get that body back into shape and whip out your dresses!
Stay classy <3 
That horse is kind of creepy... and how is she standing on that with her heels? 
Those legs!
Such a slim body
Street fashion! And nice legs. 
High fashion = Thin, you can't NOT be thin. Duh.
Those arms are amazing
Wow, her hip bones are gorgeous <3

Why are there no more models left like her? She's so gorgeous
Stomach and arms
I honestly have no idea how so many Koreans are so tall and have slim legs while my Korean body is short and fat, ugly legs too. 
Like a doll
Street fashion 
Arms :)
Someday I hope my stomach will look like this when I bend forward. Her back is flawless!
When one thinks of fashion/models, one thinks of.... Starbucks!

Two fun size Snickers

95.8 lbs and 22.25". Already dropped -1.2 lbs since yesterday and -.25"!

I love this fasting thing already.

It was slightly awkward today though. I had violin lessons for the first time in 2-3 weeks due to being diagnosed with tendonitis. It already started feeling numb/painful after 5-10 minutes of, not playing, just learning to readjust my hand position. It feels strange going back to the start.

But the awkward part wasn't that, it was my teacher finding out that I cut. Yes, I do cut myself, as do so many others with ED's. It's very hard to find someone who doesn't and has an ED, the two almost seem to go together.

I did eat two fun size Snickers (+160 cals) but I did a lot of steps and weights during weight training. But why did I eat them? I didn't need to eat them. I'm just a fat ass, that's why.

Once spring hits the streets I'll be back out on the roads running. I'm so excited, I always gain the most weight during winter so being able to run again is going to help keep my weight down.

Hopefully I'll hit 90 lbs by the end of this week/start of next week? Maybe?

Going to drink some energy drinks now, I'm parched.

17 February 2013

Massive File Dump of Thinspo

Here's a huge dump of thinspo ranging from high fashion to some food/exercise thinspo, lots of black and white thinspo, some quotes, etc.

Pretty much, a massive file dump of 21 pictures. Enjoy.

I'm so jealous of her
She's stunning! And gorgeous, look at her waist and how strong she is.
Haven't seen someone wear a full leo in a while, perfect for winter
Overall she's pretty good. I love her legs the most though!
Is that a... yes, a hip bone protruding slightly with a firm waist!
Collar bones and those legs... wow!
Typical thinspo pic!
Second part to the beginners one in another thinspo post I did a few days ago
Holy [expletive] those legs.
Her legs go for MILES. HOW.
Exact reason why thinness is beauty. Just look at her!

I'm never going to be swimsuit ready. 
She's so tall and thin
Seriously, how small is her waist to her other measurements? Wow
She is so gorgeous, I can't stop staring at her. Oh gosh, why is she so gorgeous.
If I wore that exact same outfit, bet you'd think I was a fat girl. I can't pull that off at all. 

Legs :)