29 November 2013

I Think I Survived Thanksgiving

On Monday I weighed 97.4 lbs, 23" waist.

That wasn't so bad. However the next day I jumped up to 99 lbs and yesterday I didn't even bother to check my weight after that. Yesterday I ate plenty of food but I used laxatives (as I couldn't purge). Today I just checked my weight: 97.6 lbs

It's still a .2 lbs increase. However I'll take it as it is and be happy about it. I really don't know how I managed to drop 2 lbs from the last time I posted (15 November) as I honestly haven't been doing anything. I've been eating nonstop actually. Have I hit recovery? I honestly don't know.

But then I checked the scales on Monday and that number made me happy. I had assumed I'd be over 100 lbs by now with all the eating I've been doing but instead I dropped 2 lbs. Maybe I shouldn't have checked the scales now that I'm thinking about it. But now that I know what my weight is the thoughts in my head are swirling–I want to be thinner, I'm looking fatter than usual, why am I so fat? I keep staring at myself in the mirror. I look like I'm 27", 28" inches at my waist. But I'm only at 23" (as of Monday, I haven't checked my waist today).

I know the measuring tape isn't lying to me. I looked in the mirror while I held the tape on my waist. I saw in the mirror it was 23". But when I looked at my waist overall even while holding the tape... it felt like a lie. I can't possibly be 23". I need to be thinner to be considered 23".

I guess I'll post some more thinspo later on today. I need to clear my head with some running.

15 November 2013

Mini-Miscellaneous Thinspo

I haven't posted thinspo since August. But here are some photos that I have had on my hard drive for a while but haven't posted. It's interesting seeing how Pinterest and even Tumblr are taking down pro-thinspo boards/blogs.


I do not own any of these images and if you are the owner of an image and wish it to be taken down, please let me know via e-mail.

November: The Month of Food

What I don't understand is how the entire society in the US focuses an entire month (or two, including December) on the over consumption of food. Do they not feel their pants tightening around their over stuffed bellies? Does this not bother them?

I won't ever know.

With that being said it's less than two weeks before Thanksgiving. I've been invited to my girlfriend's Thanksgiving dinner but it's also the same day as my sibling's birthday so I'm a bit conflicted. Should I go to this dinner where I know I'll be eating? Or spend a day with my sibling where I know I won't be eating as much (or maybe I will be, who knows).

Keeping that in mind I'll be more focused on restricting the next two weeks. Lately I've been skipping a lot of my meals with just drinking zero calorie sparkling drinks (they're plentiful and easy to be found). But I've also been additionally been in the "I have to be in recovery" mindset so I've also (on the days I'm not as focused) been eating a bit. But my weight isn't jumping up and down too much and I haven't gone above 100 at all since the last time I posted.

I am at a rather high weight though, close enough to be worried about. That's why for the next few weeks I'll be updating my measurements almost daily so I know for sure that once Thanksgiving is over, I can see if I gained weight (or not).

I just went shopping for food today and I got a few different zero calorie drinks, a Naked smoothie on days I need the extra calories, a (disgusting) packet of this Spanish rice, and 8 Jif peanut butter to-go cups. That's my meal plan for the next 7 days keeping in mind that my friends always make me eat lunch with them on Tuesdays but otherwise I'm set.

Honestly I think I do lose weight better when I'm not thinking on how many calories I'm limiting. But I'm also kind of in that recovery thinking stage where I'm thinking, I'm not gaining or losing weight, isn't this okay? type of thinking. But I don't want to go above 100 so I'm taking these extra precautionary steps just in case.

While reading Runner's World magazine I came across this neat chart of typical Thanksgiving foods and their calories/miles needed to run off calories. I also found a running group that I'll start joining soon to keep up with my exercise plans.

I guess a question that some of you all may be thinking, am I in recovery or am I not? I don't know the answer to the question myself. I feel like I'm killing myself by eating so much lately when I do eat but I don't want to kill myself by not eating either. I'm kind of stuck in limbo right now and I'm not sure where to go.

Guess this is my first "sorta recovery" post on this thread. Interesting enough, aye?

Measurements for today:

  • 99.6 lbs (after eating/drinking all day so that's a relief but still too close to call it safe yet)
  • Waist: 23" (22.5" if I suck in)
  • Arm: 22.4cm
  • Wrist: 14.5cm
  • Hips: 32"
Aaaaaand I'm too lazy to finish the rest of the measurements. I'll post some thinspo shortly after this post (also news flash, many online websites where thinspo used to be found have all been taken down so it's much harder to find new thinspo lately).