On Monday I weighed 97.4 lbs, 23" waist.
That wasn't so bad. However the next day I jumped up to 99 lbs and yesterday I didn't even bother to check my weight after that. Yesterday I ate plenty of food but I used laxatives (as I couldn't purge). Today I just checked my weight: 97.6 lbs
It's still a .2 lbs increase. However I'll take it as it is and be happy about it. I really don't know how I managed to drop 2 lbs from the last time I posted (15 November) as I honestly haven't been doing anything. I've been eating nonstop actually. Have I hit recovery? I honestly don't know.
But then I checked the scales on Monday and that number made me happy. I had assumed I'd be over 100 lbs by now with all the eating I've been doing but instead I dropped 2 lbs. Maybe I shouldn't have checked the scales now that I'm thinking about it. But now that I know what my weight is the thoughts in my head are swirling–I want to be thinner, I'm looking fatter than usual, why am I so fat? I keep staring at myself in the mirror. I look like I'm 27", 28" inches at my waist. But I'm only at 23" (as of Monday, I haven't checked my waist today).
I know the measuring tape isn't lying to me. I looked in the mirror while I held the tape on my waist. I saw in the mirror it was 23". But when I looked at my waist overall even while holding the tape... it felt like a lie. I can't possibly be 23". I need to be thinner to be considered 23".
I guess I'll post some more thinspo later on today. I need to clear my head with some running.