29 November 2013

I Think I Survived Thanksgiving

On Monday I weighed 97.4 lbs, 23" waist.

That wasn't so bad. However the next day I jumped up to 99 lbs and yesterday I didn't even bother to check my weight after that. Yesterday I ate plenty of food but I used laxatives (as I couldn't purge). Today I just checked my weight: 97.6 lbs

It's still a .2 lbs increase. However I'll take it as it is and be happy about it. I really don't know how I managed to drop 2 lbs from the last time I posted (15 November) as I honestly haven't been doing anything. I've been eating nonstop actually. Have I hit recovery? I honestly don't know.

But then I checked the scales on Monday and that number made me happy. I had assumed I'd be over 100 lbs by now with all the eating I've been doing but instead I dropped 2 lbs. Maybe I shouldn't have checked the scales now that I'm thinking about it. But now that I know what my weight is the thoughts in my head are swirling–I want to be thinner, I'm looking fatter than usual, why am I so fat? I keep staring at myself in the mirror. I look like I'm 27", 28" inches at my waist. But I'm only at 23" (as of Monday, I haven't checked my waist today).

I know the measuring tape isn't lying to me. I looked in the mirror while I held the tape on my waist. I saw in the mirror it was 23". But when I looked at my waist overall even while holding the tape... it felt like a lie. I can't possibly be 23". I need to be thinner to be considered 23".

I guess I'll post some more thinspo later on today. I need to clear my head with some running.

2 comments:

  1. Well i don't know much it, but the media stereotype of an ana is "looking in the mirror and seeing a fat person" Maybe it is a thing like that.
    perhaps you could look at pictures of some fat women to "recalibrate" your ability to assess weight visually.
    It just seems a shame you can't properly appreciate your 97lb-ness.

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  2. Try gauging your weight loss with your skinniest and fattest clothes. The stuff that fit you at your heaviest should be falling off right now, and the skinniest jeans should be near fitting.

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