21 March 2013

I will no longer eat Taco Bell

97.8, 23"

I still haven't changed from yesterday. Though I measured it just now so I guess it doesn't count as much (it's 02:00 as I post this).

I need to make a list of foods I can't eat. I'll make an official list next week when I'm not as busy as I am right now. I ate again today. I was doing so well, then I finally ate at work today. I ate Taco Bell. I will never eat that again.

I will never eat the delicious rice in the cantina bowls of Taco Bell again. I will never go into the food court to buy soda only to find it as an excuse to buy more food.

I will never eat a cookie on my own choice again. I must avoid pretzels. I will and cannot eat pastries.

This is going to hell. I looked at my old photos of myself and I'm going, wow, I had collar bones back then. I could see the bones on my chest in the pictures that were taken in normal day life, not behind a closed door. I could see it, everyone else could see it. Nobody can see it now, it's under the layers of fat and ugliness with the disgusting feeling that it comes with now.

I need to be thin. Why is this killing me. Forgot to purge, I'm so tired. I forgot I could purge again. Too late now though. Fuck. This. Shit.

I need to stop eating. Why am I eating. Why can't I stop. Why did I get Taco Bell when I had done so well. Why. Posting thinspo after this post. Enjoy it, hopefully the thinspo will work for you whereas for me it clearly hasn't since I'm not improving.

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