Why am I so fat. I finally realized why I gained so much weight, working out has caused me to gain muscle and a lot of it. You can see and feel the muscle in my upper arm on the top of it when I raise my arm to the side. My legs are slimmer and have muscle in them again. I am getting thinner, but weigh more.
I don't want this. My body is just screaming to lose weight and I can't because of the muscle. But I can't stop working out yet, I'm not thin enough. I feel so huge and in the wrong layers of skin. It's wrong. It feels like my skin is itching at me, it feels like it's crawling and I can see the lumps rising up, the fat coming towards me.
It's not what I want. Until I get to the thinness I want (especially my legs), I have to keep working out. Once I get to my desired thinness I'll stop working out completely. I can't have muscle weight. It's too heavy.
My ana buddy broke our pact when she cut, so I'm back to purging starting today. But I haven't ate much in the past few days. Just lying. I ate two boxes of waffles in a week. I'm so disgusting. I've been eating at night more because of a website I've been using lately. Fuck me.
This is going to be impossible getting down to my goal weights. I don't know how this is going to work if all I do is change my body fat into muscle. I need to get thinner. What am I doing wrong, it used to be so much easier when I was younger.
I felt thin in the mirror today, until I saw my weight and waist measurement. I'm a whale. Here's some thinspo in a few minutes once I get them all uploaded here. See you guys tomorrow. I'm back.