Fucking medicine and fucking food

I am about ready to cut my arms into sliver of skin. 103.2 lbs and 23.5". This is not happening, this is not possible. I am literally .3 lbs from my HW. How did this happen?

Oh yeah. Fucking medicine. And fucking food. This medicine is making me eat. It's working even if I don't. Even if I don't eat I still somehow gain weight from nowhere. Wait, not nowhere, even I know where this is coming from. Muscle weight due to excess calories from all the food I've been eating, I've been able to create muscle mass in my arms, shoulders, back, and my legs. I am fucking disgusting.

I am half crazed with fever. I honestly do not know how I am typing this right now when I can barely walk. I am eating pizza right now as I type this, ready to purge it out once it's done. I have been purging nonstop these days and I STILL gain all this weight.

I am working out a lot lately. Here's my routine if any of you actually care to read these anyways:

*10 reps = 1 set

Bench press dumbbells: 
10 lbs x 4 sets
Bent arm pullovers:
10 lbs x 8 sets
One arm rows:
10 lbs x 10 sets (5 per arm)
Seated rows:
45 lbs x 4 sets
55 lbs x 4 sets
65 lbs x 4 sets
Lateral pulldown machine:
35 lbs x 4 sets
45 lbs x 2 sets
Step ups:
50 steps for 1 rep, 4 reps
Treadmill running:
Yesterday I did 53.1 calories in 4:30 minutes

My arms look disgustingly muscular when I flex them now. My arms are no longer petite, they're huge. It's finally spring so I need to start going out and run again however I'm sick currently and cannot.

When is my life going to end? Please, someone let me know so I can at least get to 85 before then. I'll be cutting all night after I finish work in the day time.

P.S. If anyone tries to put you on weight gaining medication, somehow find a way out of it. I currently am, this cannot continue any longer.